A Tumultuous Year

‘Reflection’, ‘looking back’ and ‘reminiscing’ are common phrases at this time of the year but unfortunately they are either loosely used or the importance of acts to which they refer, has dwindled. Nevertheless, I think these are both effective for, and of great significance to, one’s mental and emotional development. I feel it is necessary to reflect, organise one’s thoughts and, if possible, to express. I do not carry out this annual act on a whim or as a fad and so I am not concerned that I am in the middle of January and still thinking about the past year.

2008 was a highly emotional and eventful year (in terms of significance than the number of events). I learnt things about people, which, in my naivety, perhaps was aware of but chose not to acknowledge as possible or real. I faced certain facets of this world, which, over the course of the year, brought a subdued rational side of me, back to life. Only this could offer me explanations, I suppose. Deep inside, I have always been inquisitive, coldly rational and critical (not out of bitterness but rather out of a genuine need to understand). This gave me a sense of individuality, independence and personal freedom. Often, however, the passion and exuberance of youth obscured my judgment and rationality was, at many times, overwhelmed. Even my writing started to become impassioned and heated! Blasphemy!

Religion, blind faith, women, marriage, social and economic disparity seem to be vast, diverse and often controversial subjects. Surprisingly, they intertwined into a few significant experiences that dealt me blows that I shall feel for the rest of my life. Perhaps it was the momentum, through their close chronological proximity, that was significant rather than the individual events. Although painful at the time, ironically I am quite glad they occurred. The ruthlessness of this world requires a certain detachment. I think my passions and emotions have calmed since; I feel coolness and aloofness returning to prominence slowly – states of mind that I have dearly missed. These were indeed watershed moments. Finally, after weeks and months of posing the usual but often futile ‘why?’ question to ‘fate’, I think I am ready once more to reason and scrutinise - one by one.

This is exactly what I shall be doing over the next few days.